Today, I decided to branch out onto craigslist. I posted this ad:
I will talk to you about abusive relationships and help you find support in the Fayetteville/Fort Bragg/Clinton communities. I am no longer living in an abusive marriage, but I did for 18 years. There is a way out. Let me help you find your exit.
We can communicate through email or meet in a public place.
If, after our first conversation, you need further help, I will work with you through bartering or monetary payment to enable you to leave. For example, I could babysit, drive you to domestic violence meetings, cover for your absences at work (if you need to attend meetings without your boss knowing), and other things that may otherwise prevent you from seeking professional help.
Help is only an email away!
I hope someone takes me up on my offer. You see, lately I feel rather helpless to help myself despite my efforts to guide other people to see the truth about abusive relationships. Fact of the matter is that I have very little income from doing what I do (maybe $100/month) and although THAT must change, I will not give up writing and educating about domestic abuse.
I know what it is like to be on the other side of a financially secure albeit abusive relationship. My ex is a soldier with a guaranteed paycheck, and I surely miss that amount of assured income each month! Many of us on ?the other side of abuse? find ourselves in similar situations. By all accounts I?ve heard, it sucks for?you guys?as much as it does for?me.
It didn?t help that Christmas was a bust (no presents for my kids from me, no sir!) and there is no hope of a New Year?s Eve party.?Today I thought that I must take on a meaningless minimum-wage job so we can continue living here. If I do that, then I compromise the time I spend doing schoolwork and writing. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach?because I am already doing what I am MEANT to do!
Honestly, I was feeling sorry for myself and crying much of the day because??It just isn?t fair!? (boo hoo) and??Why did God help me leave my ex just to leave me here with no guidance and no money?!??(boo hoo again).?If you know me at all, you know I hate feeling sorry for myself; but today, I?seriously felt lost.
At one time, I offered paid mentoring services to women who left abusive relationships, but I had a big problem: I couldn?t bring myself to collect their money. Well, I did once time, but I felt so bad about it that I couldn?t do it again. My mentee paid willingly ? she wanted to, I think ? but still?to speak with someone so similar to me and charge her money? I couldn?t do it again.
Besides that, women still involved in abusive relationships may not have access to any cash. But the lucky ones (like I was) may have their own phones or access to the computer?they may see my craigslist ad and start to think that maybe there is a way out.
Talk is cheap ? I do a lot of mentoring through email for free ? I want to help in the trenches. Yet if an abuse victim needs a ride then I need to have a way to pay for the gas. If she wants to trade me some food for my time, then that would be great! If she can sneak me an outfit good for interviewing from her closet without him knowing, then there?s a good trade, too. Maybe she knows a guy who can restring my viola bow so my son can use it in school this semester! Its icing on the cake if I can directly benefit my son through doing this service.
All I want is to do what I do and be able to provide for my family too. Is that too much to ask?
On the other side of this, I know craigslist can be dangerous. If you have some tips for me as I (hopefully) embark on this underground railroad type of adventure, I would appreciate hearing from you in the comments.
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